Finding out your partner has cheated on you feels devastating. It is one of the most painful experiences I have seen a spouse go through in my 23 years as a Marriage Family Therapist. When spouses come in to see me to work through infidelity here in couples counseling in Hermosa Beach, one of the biggest questions they have is:
“Should I stay with my spouse? “And of course, I cannot tell someone what choices they should make regarding such a large life changing decision. What I can do is help the individual or couple work through their feelings and thoughts regarding the cheating so that they can become clearer on the path they would like to take. I have seen many couples work through infidelity and become stronger happier couples after consistent couple’s counseling. Some of the factors that a spouse may look at regarding the cheating is: What type of cheating was it? Did their partner fall in love with someone else? Was it just for sex? Was it an emotional affair and no touch was involved? Even texting someone on the phone or social media behind your partner’s back can be considered cheating.
Or was it a sex addiction and the spouse had sex with many people? If that is the case, then that person needs sex addiction treatment.
All these types of infidelity are painful to work through and one is not less painful then the other.
The next question to figure out in marriage counseling is, “Why did this happen? “Was it an issue that was not being addressed in the marriage, or was it an issue with the spouse that needed to be addressed or both? Understanding the why helps to determine the treatment plan moving forward. I recommend that the cheating spouse do individual counseling as well. Marriage counseling is very important if the couple wants to work through the infidelity, rebuild trust and have a stronger marriage then before the infidelity. This takes a lot of patience, time and energy, but can be done.
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