Clinical Focus

A good relationship, it is often said, is not one without problems; it is one that can work through its problems.

Couple’s counseling can play a vital role in helping you to improve your communication so that you can work through your problems in a way that brings you closer to your partner instead of more distant. As your therapist, we will look at patterns that show up between you and your partner, as well as internal and external experiences that impact the relationship. Some of the skills that I teach couples to help them work through their problems are communication skills (listening and talking effectively), healthy conflict resolution, negotiation and compromise, coming up with solutions to problems together, creating more romance and intimacy, learning how to have the fun again as a couple, and improving trust if there has been an affair. I create a safe atmosphere for you and your partner so that we can explore the issues affecting your relationship and attempt to resolve them so that you can experience the love that once brought you together. Some of the techniques I use are from John Gottman, Ph.D and Harville Hendrix.

My job as your therapist is to create a safe non-judgmental atmosphere for you to explore yourself.

I will support you through this process so that you can create a greater awareness of who you are and what behaviors or thoughts you would like to change. I use cognitive behavioral and solution focused therapy to assist you in reaching your goals.

Finding out your partner has been cheating is extremely painful. Spouses that have gone through this describe it as one of the most painful experiences they have gone through. There are different types of infidelity and one is not any less painful than the others. They include:

• Object Affair: when the relationship is neglected due to a person’s outside interest. The pursuit of the interest may feel obsessive.
• Sexual Affair: When one partner has sex outside of the relationship. Sexual affairs do not always lead to an emotional attachment to that person.
• Cyber Affair: This is when the infidelity happens through sexting, chatting or sending pics on line. It may only be online or can progress into sexual intimacy. This type of affair might include looking at pornography online which some people consider a form of infidelity.
• Emotional Affair: When your partner becomes emotionally attached to someone else. Your partner may spend hours talking online or on the phone to someone outside of their relationship. They may share things with their affair partner that they don’t share with their partner.

Once you have discovered infidelity, it is very helpful to get into couple’s counseling. Relationships and marriage can heal after infidelity, if both people want to stay in the marriage and do the work to recover. Infidelity can happen for many reasons in a marriage and it is helpful to get into counseling to learn how to heal from this relationship trauma, rebuild trust and create a healthier happier relationship. This takes time and effort, but it is possible if you want to stay together.

I have helped many couples over my 18 years as a couple’s therapist heal from infidelity. Please call me to have a confidential discussion on how we can work together if you have recently learned about infidelity in your relationship/marriage.

Resources for Infidelity

Have you been told you are “codependent”? Did you grow up in a dysfunctional home? Was there addiction in your home? Do you currently live with and an alcoholic or addict? If so, you may be codependent. Counseling is an excellent place to examine how you are codependent and what to do about it. Some of the traits of someone who is codependent are: low self-esteem, people pleasing, poor boundaries, reactivity, caretaking, controlling, dysfunctional communication, dependency, denial, problems with intimacy or painful emotions.

If you are struggling with any of these things and want to learn healthier ways of coping with life or your partner, please contact me for an appointment.